A Hard Look in the Mirror

Friends, this is going to be long. But I need you to read it. All of it. Even when it gets uncomfortable. Especially when it gets uncomfortable.

I grew up in a small country town in the middle of Kansas. Diversity was basically non-existent. Which helped me become so, so ignorant. So stubborn and stuck in my beliefs. So entitled. I didn’t believe racism was an issue anymore. Honestly, no one ever really taught me differently.

So off I went to college with that same ignorance and same entitlement. I am beyond ashamed and horrified of the way I spoke on multiple occasions to one of my Black friends freshman year. Like I had the right to say the things I did because it was “funny” and “I was only joking.” Even when she tried to tell me it wasn’t okay, I thought I was entitled and that it wasn’t a big deal because I didn’t really mean it anyway.

Over the next year, I did better, but was still so ignorant at what people of color in our country face on a daily basis. Until I took a class that challenged my perspective, opened my eyes, and truly changed the way I think. Multicultural education.

What made this class so powerful to me was that it was real people. Real stories. Real lives being affected. I started putting myself in their shoes. Looking at their perspective. Evaluating my own biases that previously I would have sworn up and down I didn’t have.

So I want to share with you some of those stories that were transformative in my life. Because I get it. I was that girl that thought I knew it all and that racism didn’t exist and that “didn’t see color.” Until I wasn’t. We NEED to hear these.

My white TA shared a story about his white wife. How one time she got on an elevator with a white man. At the next floor, the man got off and a Black man got on. She immediately grabbed her purse tighter and held it closer to her body. Because of the color of his skin. She was more afraid. She didn’t even know she had that bias until that moment.

How many of us would do the same? As I thought about it, I realized I would have. This is what society teaches us and a lot of times we don’t even realize it. This is not okay.

I believe this is one reason why police officers shoot unarmed Black people accused of forgery but peacefully arrest white people accused of multiple murders or let heavily armed white people continue their protests without so much as batting an eye. Because society teaches us that white people are nothing to be afraid of. But Black people? You better watch out.

Enough. It’s not accurate and it’s just not true.

There was another story that spoke to me about the privilege I have just because of the color of my skin that I didn’t know existed. Watch this video of how a Black woman was treated much differently than a woman who looked white, even though she was half-Black and half-white, at a grocery store. Ultimately, the situation was resolved because the woman who appeared white stepped in. She gets looked at differently and taken seriously because of the color of her skin.

White privilege is real. So real. When I get pulled over, I’m not afraid that I might not go home again. When I go for a run, I’m not afraid I’ll be falsely accused of a crime, let alone be killed for it, just because of the way I look. When I get gas, I’m not afraid someone will see me and be so scared that they call the police, who then come and claim you fit the description of a crime. Afraid to show emotion at the injustice because, if I do, I might get shot. When I kindly ask someone to follow the law for my safety, such as leashing their dog in a well-known park, I’m not afraid that person will get angry and call the police and falsely accuse me of attacking them. Then, even if they did, I’m not afraid of what would happen when the police showed up.

But do you know who is afraid of those things and so many more? Every. Single. Person of color. Do you know why they are afraid? Because the situations I described have all happened and too many of those people didn’t make it home. Because of, as Don Lemon put it, “the shell that they are in.”

So man up, take a hard look at yourself and your biases and prejudices, both conscious and unconscious. It’s probably going to be uncomfortable. We don’t like to be wrong, let alone have to admit that. But do it anyway. Because our short-lived uncomfortability of realizing maybe we aren’t the wonderful people we thought we were is nothing compared to the way every person of color has to deal with every single day.

Then change the narrative. Change the way you think. Speak up when you see this happening in real life. Because enough is enough.

Friends, I am here with you. I stand with you. I am so sorry I was so ignorant before and let my biases dictate my actions for 20 years too long. I’m sorry I’ve been silent on this matter so long. If I’m honest, I wasn’t really sure what to say. I’m committed to listening, learning, and loving. To using my voice to stand up against injustice.

What else can I do? I want to help.