What do I have to lose?

“Just start writing.”

That’s what I have to tell myself, right? Man, it has been a long time since I’ve written and so much has changed since that last post. One of the biggest things is probably the mindset that I am trying to live my life by.

“What do I have to lose?”

I repeat this to myself when I am hesitant to take a chance or a risk. This is my way of convincing myself to take a leap of faith and trust that God will be there by my side. It’s like a “Why not?” battlecry. It is these words that push me over the ledge and cause me to take a step toward something I am afraid of. Something that I know will be good for me in the long run, but that I just cannot take that first step toward.

Most times the answer to that question is “absolutely nothing.” More often than not, I have nothing to lose, except for maybe a little pride, when I get the courage to take that chance. Why, then, do I let my fear and anxiety become so paralyzing when things are uncomfortable or I cannot see the road ahead?

I’m not kidding. There are so many things I simply don’t do because I am anxious and afraid. Afraid to look like I am incompetent. Like I don’t know what I’m doing. Afraid of judgement from others. Afraid I will do the wrong thing. Say the wrong thing. Afraid I will have to ask for help. I almost didn’t even go on a cruise because I had no idea what to expect and was afraid. Then, once I did go on the cruise, I refused to eat in the dining room and made every excuse possible to avoid it. Until my friend just scheduled it and made me go. Turns out, my fear and anxiety was invalid and I was simply missing out because of it. Fear, for me, has been so real and so many times it has paralyzed me into inaction.

So I have started asking myself “What do I have to lose?” because the answer is probably nothing. Then, I can even take it a step further by asking “What do I have to gain?” because I guarantee that list is much longer and more impressive than what I have to lose by taking a chance and a step of faith.

I have dreams. Big dreams. One dream I have had ever since I went to Costa Rica back in May of 2015 is to go teach abroad in a Spanish-speaking country. But I am afraid to pursue that. Because I don’t know where to start. Because of the unknown. The time away from family. Will I adjust? Will I be able to fit in? Will I be lonely?

Instead of asking myself all of these questions and letting them get in the way of my dream, I should ask myself “What do I have to lose?”

Time and missed events with family. I’d have to leave my job. Move out of my apartment.

These are all valid things to consider and could understandably be a hindrance; however, I have to take it a step beyond that and ask myself “What do you have to gain?”

New friends and relationships. A new perspective. A new language. New experiences. Invaluable knowledge about teaching English Language Learners. Confidence. Self-awareness. Gratitude.

Don’t these things I could gain outweigh what I could lose? So why am I still afraid to take that chance and actually start the process of teaching abroad? Because I let fear stand in my way. A fear that says you can’t do this. You aren’t good enough. You aren’t social enough. You aren’t enough.

Enough.

But when I fall to those words, am I not really saying that God’s plan isn’t enough? That what He tells me I am and who He tells me I am isn’t enough?

My grandma’s favorite verse was Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

God has plans for us, too. And God will not lead us into something to harm us. His plans, His way, are good enough. I have to trust that God will work His plan in me and that He will give me the strength, the courage, the ability to succeed and push through the anxiety and doubt. And when I forget that, I can remember this:

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.

Whatever I put my mind to, whatever dreams I have, as long as God is by my side, I am enough. So what do I have to lose?